my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
