if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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