So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
