distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
