woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
