I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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