i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Actions speak louder than pants.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
