I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do herpes really smell.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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