i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
