My liver just broke up with me...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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