Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
