I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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