this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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