so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
