you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
