we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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