you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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