Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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