I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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