just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
