i don't like sucking hair
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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