I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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