this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the day after is always just damage control
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
