Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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