he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
