I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
