Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
