Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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