My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
