I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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