I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
