I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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