yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
