bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
