im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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