1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
