i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
