dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
