I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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