I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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