just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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