Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
