You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
