You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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