It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
