i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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