I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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