ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
