You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
