btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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