I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
