god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
