I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
